Teachers’ Gifts

18 Aug

So, technically, this post should have been written weeks ago, and it was, well, in my head anyway. There are no excuses (there are lots of excuses) but I just haven’t done it. Until now.

On the last day of term, every teacher throughout the country does two things: breathes a sigh of relief as they know they have survived another year and perhaps even waved goodbye to little Jonny* and they look forward with eager anticipation to the presents that may appear on their desks. My finest hour for presents was my last year of teaching practice (2001) – I had a year four class in Harrogate, N. Yorks and they were wonderful. The presents piled up for me seemed never-ending, and bear in mind that I was not their full-time teacher, just a wannabe…

They bought me wine and chocolates and wine and a mug (there’s always a mug**), socks (yup, those too), more wine and a bottle of champagne! Not Tesco’s finest fizz, proper champagne. Woohoo! I have never really equalled that day for gifts, I’ve had some crackers for which I am hugely grateful, of course, but that year stands out. Maybe it was because I had passed. I was an NQT. It was for real.

Spin on eleven-and-a-half years and more children leave my class and more presents arrive. There was the usual array of mugs, socks and a pen or two, a quite amazing cake from a young man and chocolate. Don’t get me wrong, I love chocolate but this was a mountain. I am now approaching my middle ages (presuming I live until I’m 80) and my waistline has increased. Bizarrely, the more that increases, the more my hairline decreases – surely scientific investigation has researched this? I find it harder to exercise because I have a whole load of excuses up my sleeve and gone is the youthful bulletproof body of my earlier years so I have to take it steady on chocolate and treats (I have to, doesn’t mean that I actually do, mind!) So, I decided to take stock, to do a calorie count of all my goodies. Prepare yourself, it is quite shocking news.

I received a mammoth amount of chocolatey goodness, mostly from Cadbury’s although there are other confectioners available. 19 boxes of chocolates, several bags of sweets, more home-baked cookies and cakes than I dared count and a marshmallow candle, that smelled good enough to eat, but rather sensibly didn’t include a calorie indicator on the packaging.

My total calorie count for all these packaged goods was 29,193

That’s not included the home-made stuff, the wonderful cake and, of course, the candle.

30,000 calories! If I ran a marathon at my zippy pace of 6 mph, then I’d burn 4,294 calories (according to That means I’d have to run 7 marathons in order to burn off all those gifts.

That does not appeal! Needless to say, I scoffed a few but decided – sensibly – to ease off from my usual gluttonous summer diet in favour of maintaining a svelte, heart-caring figure.

Writing this post burnt 19 calories. Apparently. That is 2 Maltesers. Terrific.

No salad was harmed during the writing of this post.

*Names, as ever, have been changed to save the innocent. And Jonny.

**See here for the Best Mug ever post

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Posted by on August 18, 2012 in Thoughts & Musings


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